Isn't it great when God gives us new beginnings? If you are like me, not always! Aren't we supposed to use times like that to stretch our faith and grow? Most of the time I get caught up in the worry and worst case scenario and drive myself crazy rather than[relying on my faith.
A couple of weeks ago Zane had to break the news to me that he had lost his job. I know he didn't want to tell me because I was already stressed out. I was already feeling like I was neck deep in muck...our bills, living, Lacey's school bill, Lacey's broken ankle, the bills for the broken ankle, work and everyone there needing money, etc. The last thing Zane wanted to do was heap more on me because he knew I was ready to snap.
I had good days and bad days. I would panic and then calm down. I have to say, I probably should have told Zane this, there were times when I felt relief. It felt some sort of good and right that he was no longer at that job. Sounds weird right? There was a calm about it. Instead of hanging on to those emotions and relying on my faith and seeing what good could come of this, I allowed the muck to overcome me. I allowed the dark and the panic to take over. I feel like I missed a great opportunity. I feel like I let myself down, I feel like I let down Zane. Most important, I feel like I let God down.
I guess this is all easy for me to say, because Zane has a new job now. He is doing what he loves and wants to do. I'm so happy for him! It is a new beginning for him, for us, for a lot of things. I'm excited about this new beginning.
If God gives you new beginnings, especially when you are not looking for them, try to remember to stay out of the muck and stretch your faith!
Now that Lacey is off at college, I find myself with way too much time to think. For me, thinking leads to worrying and worrying leads to worst case scenario. So I thought maybe blogging and putting some of my thoughts down might help myself. You never know, at some point I might come up with a clever thought or idea in the process!