I really do!
I know some of you will question why I am saying that. Some will laugh because you know Zane and I so well. Some will be happy to hear I actually do love him!
He is a smart alec. He is cynical. He's probably the reason I came up with "going to stab someone in the eye"! He can drive Lacey and I to the point of screaming. He's had his ups and downs, good and bad. .
Most important, he has a heart of gold. He does have a lot of compassion. Today, he took time out of his day to help someone. It wasn't anything urgent or life threatening. But Zane made this person feel important and cared for. Zane didn't complain or grumble, he had fun. This is not the first time and it will not be the last.
He's always good to my nieces and nephews. There's always jokes and lots of laughter. We all give Zane as much as he gives out. The same for the kids (& adults) in Haiti or wherever he goes!
This has been a rough year for me health wise and Zane has waited on me constantly, mostly without grumbling. He has fretted over me and Lacey. He has done his best to keep me stress free. I may want to stab him in the eye (haha) and days that he knows he has pushed me to my limit, but I wouldn't trade him.
I am thankful for him and his big, giving, caring heart.
Lacey had a 9am doctor's appointment. We had to pick Lacey up at her sorority house and we were taking her car to her. We were thinking traffic and Lacey being late. This caused us to have to leave Joplin at 6:45am.
I am NOT a morning person. If it is dark out, you should still be asleep! There was actually a person out running at that time of the morning! They must be crazy!! Add to that Sophie (our cat) has decided she needs my undivided attention at 3:30am every morning. My eyes have been bothering me a lot lately, making driving even worse. I knew it was going to be tough driving Lacey's car. I was following Zane and he was worried about me so he was driving slow. I was grumpy and grumbling to him and to myself. The final straw was 20 miles away from Springfield I realized I had left something at home! Late last night I decided to be a good Mama and made Lacey lemon bars. That was my final grumble...I was past grumbling and went right into frustrated and mad. About this time God smacked me and told me to shut up and look at HIS beauty! It was an awesome experience! I spent the rest of the drive thinking back over the entire sunrise. Zane called me to tell me to look at how pretty the sky was but I kind of ignored him because I was cranky with him! I'm thankful God allowed me to rewind my brain to see it all over again.
When we pulled out of the driveway it was pitch black. Me, with my bad eyes, could barely even see the trash can at the end of the drive. A few short minutes later when we reached the interstate, the sky had turned a deep violet and the clouds an indigo. Every few minutes the sky became a lighter shade of violet. At one point the sky was a light violet and the clouds had turned bright pink- edging into a coral. The sky and clouds were several colors after that. . I took the above picture right after God told me to quit grumbling and be still!
It wasn't the prettiest sunrise I've ever watched, but it caught my attention and brought me to my knees. Watching God's handiwork, the bright painted sky, is much better than grumbling! Coming to Him to rest in His peace is better than grumbling. It changed my whole outlook for the day. Take a minute out of your day to stop grumbling, look for God's beauty, change your outlook for the day!
Isn't it great when God gives us new beginnings? If you are like me, not always! Aren't we supposed to use times like that to stretch our faith and grow? Most of the time I get caught up in the worry and worst case scenario and drive myself crazy rather than[relying on my faith.
A couple of weeks ago Zane had to break the news to me that he had lost his job. I know he didn't want to tell me because I was already stressed out. I was already feeling like I was neck deep in muck...our bills, living, Lacey's school bill, Lacey's broken ankle, the bills for the broken ankle, work and everyone there needing money, etc. The last thing Zane wanted to do was heap more on me because he knew I was ready to snap.
I had good days and bad days. I would panic and then calm down. I have to say, I probably should have told Zane this, there were times when I felt relief. It felt some sort of good and right that he was no longer at that job. Sounds weird right? There was a calm about it. Instead of hanging on to those emotions and relying on my faith and seeing what good could come of this, I allowed the muck to overcome me. I allowed the dark and the panic to take over. I feel like I missed a great opportunity. I feel like I let myself down, I feel like I let down Zane. Most important, I feel like I let God down.
I guess this is all easy for me to say, because Zane has a new job now. He is doing what he loves and wants to do. I'm so happy for him! It is a new beginning for him, for us, for a lot of things. I'm excited about this new beginning.
If God gives you new beginnings, especially when you are not looking for them, try to remember to stay out of the muck and stretch your faith!
Now that Lacey is off at college, I find myself with way too much time to think. For me, thinking leads to worrying and worrying leads to worst case scenario. So I thought maybe blogging and putting some of my thoughts down might help myself. You never know, at some point I might come up with a clever thought or idea in the process!