What? How did that happen? I blinked and here we are!
I feel like I have been sappy 100 times over and there is nothing left to say! I know that you know how much I love you. I'm not sure you will fully understand until you have your own child.
There is a part of me that would give anything to go back to the day you were born and do it all over again. Oh the memories! I would happily watch another million dance steps, buy a gazillion bobby pins, pulling your hair out...I mean up in buns, Polly pockets, Build a Bears still in boxes, Bedtime songs, Broadway tunes, definitely 500 more Junie B Jones, Watching softball games, making fun of Diddy, going on random car rides just so we can sing Alabama as loud as possible, and so much more. I might even sit through 1 track meet, but that's pushing it!! hahaha
I have loved being your mom through everything, including track meets! You are the best part of me and my biggest joy!
The part that I do not say enough is how excited I am to be your mom during this time in your life! It's different and I think we are both are learning how to do this adult thing. But seeing you going after the things you want, learning your thoughts and dreams, and passions makes me so happy! Some times it is hard for me to let you go, but that's only because I don't want to miss a second of your life. You really are to blame for that!!! My little cling on!!! Now you know how I felt when you had to touch me every second of your life!
Words cannot describe how I feel when I see you in Haiti! My heart nearly explodes. Your joy, compassion, bubbliness, love quadruples when you land in Haiti. Your eyes sparkle even more. I love it!
I love where you are going and all the new things in your life! I can already tell you are set up for some great adventures!! I am so proud of you!
So yes, I would go back and it it all over again, but I'm also content being your parent at this stage.
I love you infinity and beyond, forever and ever.
Working in Haiti can be draining, sad, frustrating, time consuming, never ending problems! Working in Haiti also means a never ending supply of love, smiles, and blessings!
A couple of nights ago was a negative Haiti night. It was full of frustration, miscommunication, struggles and second guessing. It was a "throw your hands up, I'm done" night.
To top off the night, as I was trying to go to sleep, Zane comes back to the bedroom and says, "you've got to see this!" I heard the sarcasm in his voice and told him to go away I was done for the night. He turns on the tv show "Nightline". The first thing I hear is the reporter saying orphanages are fake and need to be closed! My blood started to simmer. Negative thoughts swirled in my head. The second guessing coming on more strongly.
The show was about Nepal, but there have been other shows on the same situation in Haiti. I know fake orphanages happens world wide. It is a money maker for some. It makes it difficult for those of us that have legitimate, legal homes! There's even a call by some to shut down all orphanages.
This makes me sad! I wish there were no need for orphanages. I would rather the kids be with family. I understand trying to reinforce and empower families so they can keep their children, I want to see this too.
As I continued to listen to Nightline, I felt defeated. Questions of the future crept into my mind. Then Christy popped into my mind, then Samah, then Dobbins, Catrin, Mycharlie, all of our kids. Where would they be if the Jesus Loves Me Home was not open. I've thought about that a lot the last couple of days.
About a year ago I decided to put up pictures of my kids. They surround my desk. I sat looking at each face today. I cannot imagine my life without them. I cannot imagine not being there to help them.
1. Taicha: Where would she be? She was thrown into a trash heap, left to die at 2 weeks old. She had a cleft palate and no one wanted her. Today she is a happy, vibrant little girl.
2. Christy: Where would she be? At 11 months old, she was found on the streets, by herself. Police said her mother was crazy and brought Christy to us. The police said she lived all her short life on the streets and had to rely on kindness of strangers for help. When she came to us she could barely sit up, but she knew how to stick her tiny hand out to ask for food! She was malnourished, full of bugs and parasites! I have a picture of Christy like this, swollen, sick and hand reached out. Right next to it is a picture of Christy today: smile ear to ear, healthy, loving, giggly girl.
3. Junior: Junior's mom and dad could not feed him. He was starving. I have no idea where he would be today, he might not even be alive. Instead, he is driven, hard working, educated, a servant, has a HUGE heart, and wants to make Haiti a better place.
4. Samantha: Samah's mom has been sick all of Samah's life. She is so sick she has to go in the hospital for months at a time. Samah comes and stays with us. Where would she be if we weren't there? Samantha's mom is not getting better and came to say goodbye. Yes! Samah would prefer to be with her mom, she cries for her mom. I want Samah to be with her mom! My heart breaks for this girl. But I am happy that she has somewhere to call home and she knows people love her!
Every one of our kids have similar stories. Please don't judge a good place because of the bad places!
Now that Lacey is off at college, I find myself with way too much time to think. For me, thinking leads to worrying and worrying leads to worst case scenario. So I thought maybe blogging and putting some of my thoughts down might help myself. You never know, at some point I might come up with a clever thought or idea in the process!