Have you ever had a casual conversation, someone venting to you, or a simple memory come up that started as a spark of anger and spread like wildfire? To the point you are wanting to explode?
Earlier this evening this happened to me! I was cleaning out the bottom of our pantry. This is a source of tension anyway because Zane does not like putting the plastic bowls that you put leftovers in back together so they easily stack. I was getting testy.
I then received a phone call from someone wanting to vent. What was done to this person made me mad, but it also sparked within past hurt and anger. That spark slowly burned throughout my body. Well it only felt that way, in reality the anger spread like wildfire and on into an inferno!
I've been sitting here thinking and stewing on this for almost 3 hours! I've tried talking myself out of the fire. It's not really helping. Memories that I thought I had squashed are very much alive! It makes me really sad and my heart hurts! I want to yell and rant and scream and cry and yes hitting something sounds pleasant!
Two significant thoughts have crossed my mind in the last half hour:
1. Why am I wrestling with this? Why haven't I turned this over to God? Why am I continuing my misery?
2. Wouldn't it be nice if JOY spread as quickly? It seems as if joy does spread quickly but it is short lived. Do we sit around and "stew" in joys in our life? I would much rather be filled with joy than anger.
Now that Lacey is off at college, I find myself with way too much time to think. For me, thinking leads to worrying and worrying leads to worst case scenario. So I thought maybe blogging and putting some of my thoughts down might help myself. You never know, at some point I might come up with a clever thought or idea in the process!